Spiral of Need Read online

  Miranda arched a brow at Ally. “Is that so?”

  Ally thought about simply ignoring the question. After all, getting involved in Roni’s “let’s annoy the creepy bitch” game might not be the wisest idea, since conflict between neighbors never ended well; she didn’t want to cause trouble for the Mercury wolves. But what came out of Ally’s mouth was: “Yes, it is.” And Roni couldn’t have looked any happier.

  Those words surprised Derren and brought a satisfied growl from his wolf. Ally publicly admitting their relationship was a claim of sorts. Derren wondered, however, if Ally even realized what she’d done. Since the first night he’d taken her, she’d been very careful not to mark him again, which pissed off his wolf. Derren didn’t like it much either—particularly since the drive to brand her over and over was like a fever in his veins.

  Feeling the urge to push Ally, to see how far she’d go to reinforce her claim, Derren began to possessively play his fingers through Ally’s hair as Shaya distracted Miranda with a conversation about shoes.

  Sensing the silent challenge, his expectation that she would back down, Ally slipped her hand onto his thigh instead. As she’d told Shaya, Ally never backed down. His response was to nip her earlobe. She rubbed her cheek against his jaw, smiling at the low rumble that vibrated in his chest. That rumble snatched Miranda’s attention, and her eyes slammed on them. Malice once again crawled over Ally.

  “It’s a relief to hear that everything’s fine.” Miranda looked from Nick to Shaya. “I don’t expect you to confide in me, but I’d just like to reiterate that if you decide you need my backing against an enemy, I am willing to give you my support.”

  Most likely at the cost of their souls, thought Derren.

  Rising, Miranda shot Derren another sultry smile. “Maybe you could escort me and my enforcers to the border of your territory.”

  “Nick and I will do that,” Shaya quickly offered. “I know Derren is busy.”

  The moment Miranda left, Ally’s wolf settled down. Although Ally bristled at the idea of another female having any interest in Derren, she was slightly amused by the discomfort she’d sensed it caused him. “So. Miranda . . . Little old for you, Derren, isn’t she?” Ally teased. The others chuckled.

  His nostrils flared. He was really tired of taking shit about it. “You think this is funny?”

  Ally’s chuckle burst free. “Oh, come on. You would if the situation was reversed.”

  Wrong. He’d be pissed. He didn’t like even the thought of anyone else wanting her. His wolf became infuriated at the idea of anyone coveting Ally.

  Resisting the temptation to tease him further, Ally said, “I’m heading back to my lodge. You coming, or do you have more work to do?”

  In actuality, Derren had plenty of work to do. But he wanted time with Ally. More specifically, he wanted time alone with Ally. “I’m done for today.” Having said good-bye to everyone, they strolled out into the warm evening. “Let’s take a little detour before we head back.”

  “Where are we going?” she asked curiously. He didn’t answer. After a reasonably short walk through the forest, they neared a clearing Ally didn’t recognize. She could hear the river close by. “Seriously, where are we going?”

  Derren chuckled. He’d fast learned she wasn’t the most patient of people. Stepping into the clearing, he pointed. “There. See.”

  Yes, Ally did see. Her mouth dropped open. “It’s . . . wow.” Adjacent to the river were three hot springs framed by a formation of rocks. “Are they natural?”

  “Yep. The third one is the coolest. Come on, strip.”

  They both kicked off their shoes and shed their clothes before sinking into the water. It was just the right temperature, and Ally sighed in pleasure.

  “You can’t make that noise right now,” Derren told her as he draped his arms over the rocks behind him.

  “Why?”

  “It makes me hard.” It was the same sound she made when he was tasting her.

  Ally chuckled. “You’re already hard.”

  “Of course I am. You’re naked.” If he was honest, his cock went hard at just her scent. “Come here. Straddle me.”

  Eyes narrowed, she wagged a finger playfully. “Nu-uh. We can’t have sex here.”

  He snorted. “Obviously.” It was important to keep the springs clean. “But I want to touch you.” He wanted her close. “Ally.” Rolling her eyes, she shuffled closer to him. He curled his hands around her hips, lifted her, and brought her to straddle him.

  “Happy now?”

  “Very.” He sucked her lower lip into his mouth; a growl of approval rumbled up his chest when her body relaxed into his. Meeting her captivating emerald gaze, he tilted his head. “So many secrets in those eyes.” Ally Marshall was one big mystery. In the beginning, he hadn’t minded that. Now, it bugged him that there were so many things about her that he didn’t know. “Tell me one.”

  She blinked in surprise. “Tell you a secret?”

  “Yes.” His interest in her had shifted a fraction in the past six weeks. Become something else. Something more. Something that might threaten their agreement that what was between them didn’t have to be complicated. Yet, he wasn’t fighting it. “Tell me why you like to sleep outside.” He skimmed his hands up her arms. “I know you have nightmares. Where do you go?”

  She swallowed. “The dark.”

  “You said you couldn’t get out to warn them. What did you mean?”

  Ally tensed. “What?”

  “Once when you were having a nightmare, I tried to wake you, and you said you couldn’t get out to warn them.” Instead of elaborating, she pulled back, averting her gaze, which was clouded with uncertainty. “One time when I was in juvie, six human guards beat me up and tortured me with electrical rods and Taser guns.” Her eyes whipped back to his, fury replacing the uncertainty. “I knew they were going to kill me, and I knew they were going to rape me first. I’m sure Cain’s told you enough about juvie that you know that’s not uncommon. The only reason I’m alive is that Nick intervened.”

  That was why he felt so indebted to Nick, Ally now understood. She wanted to tell Derren she was sorry for what had happened to him, but she knew that would be the last thing he’d want to hear. He was frustratingly too macho to accept compassion. “Why did you share that with me?” It was a memory that was personal, private, and painful.

  “Because this isn’t a one-way thing. I’ll share with you, and you’ll share with me.” He brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. “Tell me why you sleep outside.”

  “It’s not a pretty story.”

  “Neither are any of mine, baby.”

  Because Ally figured honesty deserved honesty, she explained. “My childhood pack wasn’t much bigger than this. We all lived together in one huge house. There were only five kids in total. Me and Cain were best friends, and we used to play together in a fort that we set up with the help of our parents. Anyway, one night Cain was chasing me out of the fort, and as we reached the pack house a large pack of wolves invaded our territory.” An ache began to build in her chest as she remembered the screams, the blood, and the chaos. “Our pack didn’t stand a chance.”

  “That was the night it was slain?”

  She nodded.

  “You and Cain got away?”

  “There wasn’t a chance in hell that we’d have gotten away . . . but then the battle around me suddenly ended and I was back in the fort with Cain. I realized I’d had a vision. The trouble was that as I tried to get out in a panic to warn my pack, I dislodged one of the rocks. The front of the fort collapsed.”

  “That was what you meant when you said you couldn’t get out to warn them,” Derren deduced.

  “Yes.” She’d clawed at the rocks, tried her best to dig her way out. “We were trapped there for hours, and it was so dark.” It didn’t matter that her shifter night vision had allowed her to see clearly; Ally had never liked the dark as a kid. “We could hear them screaming and howling. By the time
we got out, they were all dead.” Maimed bodies of adults and pups had lain all around the pack house.

  Slipping his hand to the back of her head, Derren tugged her close and kissed her lightly. “Did you ever find out why they were all killed?”

  She inhaled deeply. “Apparently one of the enforcers raped a mated female wolf. Shifters will burn down whole countries to avenge their mates. The guy was never going to let that go. But instead of killing the bastard responsible, he killed our entire pack in a rage. He must have felt bad about it later, because he didn’t come for me or Cain when he found out two pups had survived; he didn’t try to finish the job.” Cain’s uncles had understood the guy’s rage, but they had still gone after him to avenge the death of their brother.

  “I’d say there’s no excuse for what he did. But I know that if my mate was hurt, the last thing I’d be is rational. I’d want to destroy the fucking world.” He’d eviscerate anyone who threatened Ally, whether their relationship was temporary or not. As usual, his wolf snarled at the idea of her leaving. “No wonder you have nightmares. I’m sorry you lost your family, baby.”

  So was she. “I lost them when I was too young to really appreciate them.”

  “Then you went with Cain to live with the Brookwell Pack?”

  She nodded. “His uncles pretty much adopted me.”

  “What’s the pack like?”

  “Large, boisterous, would use any excuse to throw a celebration to get blind drunk.”

  “Do you keep in touch with any of the Brookwell wolves?”

  “I talk to my uncles by phone. And they visit me when they can.”

  “I thought Cain kept them away from you so that you stay off the humans’ radar.”

  “No, leaving the pack kept me off the radar. But my uncles still slip away and meet me sometimes, just like Cain does. I’ll never forget how they took me in and accepted me.” Still, she’d always felt like she was leeching off someone else’s family. Although she adored her uncles, Ally had never felt settled there. Never found her place. And so she’d flitted from pack to pack over the years, searching for it. But she never found it.

  For a short while, she’d thought she’d found it in the Collingwood Pack. She’d let her guard down a little, but that had come back to bite her on the ass when Zeke—

  “Don’t think about him.” Derren cupped her face, trapping her gaze with his. “He’s not worth an ounce of your time.”

  It freaked her out that Derren could read her so well. “It’s not that I’m dwelling or anything. It’s that—”

  “You trusted him not to hurt you, but he did. And now you wonder if you can trust your own judgment anymore.” Derren understood that well.

  She nodded. “If you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?”

  Derren curled his arms tight around her. “You can trust me.” She’d no doubt find that difficult to believe, considering he’d been a total ass in the beginning. But it was true.

  “And you can trust me, but you don’t.”

  He tapped her nose. “That’s where you’re wrong. I was a complete bastard to you, but you healed me—even though the burns were severe, and even though you knew my agony would then become yours, you did it. You had to have known that using that much energy would knock you unconscious; that it would put your safety in the hands of people who hadn’t exactly been welcoming to you. But despite all that, despite all the prejudice you received because of your gift, you used that gift to heal me. You have my trust.”

  Ally understood that wasn’t something she should overlook or take lightly. Having someone have such faith in her—especially after her previous pack had withdrawn their trust—healed a little rift inside her. Ally rested her forehead against his. “I’m honored to have it.” And she wanted to keep it, but she might just lose it when he realized she hadn’t corrected his assumption that Cain was her mate. “Derren, there’s something you should know. About Cain—”

  Derren cut her off with a kiss. “I don’t want to hear about him.”

  “But—”

  “No.”

  “This is important.”

  “Cain’s got nothing to do with us.” Derren bit her bottom lip when she would have spoken again. “I don’t want him here.”

  Between us, he didn’t say but she clearly heard. Not wanting his mood to turn sour by pushing him, Ally sighed. “Fine. But you can’t say I didn’t try to tell you.”

  “I don’t want to know.”

  Maybe it really wouldn’t be important to him, thought Ally. After all, they had agreed their relationship would be temporary, so whether or not Cain was her mate wasn’t relevant.

  Derren nipped her neck, wanting her attention solely on him. “I have another question. Who taught you to shift so easily between forms?”

  “My mom taught me how to be at peace with my wolf. Without that, it isn’t possible. But if someone can manage that, it’s easy for them to do what I do.”

  “So it’s not a Seer thing?” he asked. She shook her head. “When did you have your first vision?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve been having them for as long as I can remember.”

  “They must have been hard to handle when you were a kid.” They seemed hard enough to handle now.

  “They could be scary. But even back then it bothered me more when something happened and I didn’t see it coming. People don’t understand that Seers don’t ‘see’ everything.” She shook her head as she added, “You wouldn’t believe the amount of times someone blamed me when something bad happened. Some even accused me of having a vision but not warning them. Even when I was a kid.”

  He double-blinked with astonishment. “You were advising a pack when you were a kid?”

  “My grandmother—who sadly died with my parents—was considered Seer of the pack, but, yes, if I had a vision that needed to be shared, then I was naturally expected to share it.”

  Derren traced her collarbone with his finger. “So you got the gift from your grandmother?”

  “Yes, it skips a generation. The eldest Seer always trains and guides the child until they hit at least eighteen. At that point, the eldest Seer will either ‘retire,’ or one of them will move to another pack. Two adult Seers can’t exist in one pack without being at each other’s throats.”

  “A little like two Alpha males or two Beta males.”

  “Exactly.”

  Unable to resist that mouth, Derren flicked his tongue over her upper lip. “So your grandmother trained you?”

  “Right up until she died that night the pack was slain, yeah.”

  Not liking the sadness in her voice, Derren smoothed his hands up and down her back. “Who guided you when you moved with Cain to his uncles’ pack?”

  “No one. They didn’t have a Seer there.”

  “And I’ll bet they expected you to act as the pack’s Seer.” He didn’t like that.

  “If I had a vision, I shared it.”

  Protectiveness surged through him at the idea of a six-year-old Ally being held partly responsible for her pack’s safety. She didn’t sound at all angry or resentful of that or anything else that had happened to her; he admired that. “It’s a shitload of responsibility to put on a kid.”

  Ally tilted her head. “You despise responsibilities, don’t you?”

  Ah, so she’d picked up on that. “Much like you, I don’t like feeling trapped.” He couldn’t like anything that made him feel confined, which was why he strongly doubted he’d ever mate. Even if he somehow recognized his true mate, his reluctance to be part of anything that took away his choices or freedom could prevent the mating bond from ever fully developing.

  “You know, feeling trapped doesn’t mean you’re trapped. It’s just what you feel. I know I’m damn weird for sleeping most of the night outside—”

  “Waking up to find it’s dark after just having a nightmare where you were trapped in the dark is bound to make it hard to fall back asleep. A lot of people stay awake after nightmares. You
’ve found an alternative—albeit uncommon—way to cope with it. That doesn’t make you weird.”

  “And feeling the weight of responsibilities isn’t weird either—especially when you’re responsible for the well-being of an entire pack.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “I think you worry you’ll let them all down.”

  His smile was stilted. “My conscience isn’t developed enough for that.”

  “And I think you don’t believe you deserve their faith in you.”

  “I don’t. They’ve given me their trust. But I can’t give it back.” Not to all of them.

  “You don’t want to trust. It’s a self-preservation thing for you. I’m not being judgmental, just making a point.”

  He swirled his tongue inside the hollow of her throat. “What’s that point?”

  “That your responsibilities aren’t trapping you.” Her words came out a little breathless, since what he was doing felt too good. “Taking on responsibilities means taking charge of your life. It’s your own personal shit that’s trapping you.”

  Maybe. But while he was hard as a rock, the only thing he could really think about was being inside her. “Finished preaching?”

  She sniffed. “For today.”

  “Good. I want to be in you.”

  “You’ll have to catch me first.” Then she fled, laughing as she heard him cursing behind her as he rushed to follow.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The chiming of his cell phone pulled Derren from his paperwork. He frowned at the unfamiliar number. “Hello.”

  “Derren?”

  His entire body stiffened as shock locked his muscles. He recognized the female voice. It was older, harder, than when he’d last heard it.

  “It’s Roxanne.” His older sister. “Mom and Dad . . . they died last night.”

  Died? He probably shouldn’t care. Had always assumed he wouldn’t. But he had to ask . . . “How?”

  “Dad had a heart attack. And Mom,” choked Roxanne, “didn’t last long after the mating bond broke.” She cleared her throat before continuing, her voice now stiff and formal. “The funeral is tomorrow morning at ten¸ if you want to attend.” She hung up before he could respond.